Since I moved to Boston, I’ve been spending a lot of time on public transit. The biggest benefit for me is having that time free to do things that aren’t driving. I sit and think, I fidget, and- most often- I read. I like to work on books as I ride, so much so that when I don’t read, I don’t always know where I am.
I consider it a point of pride that I spend time with my nose in a book on the bus, and not on my phone. So many others on the bus use their commute to browse Facebook, check Instagram, or Tweet. And while I don’t judge them for it, I find that I am very hard on myself when I use my commute to do that. I noticed it today- when I pull my phone out instead of my latest book (The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin), I feel badly, sometimes even ashamed.
The question I can’t answer is, why? Why am I so hard on myself about something so insignificant?
I don’t know that I have an answer, but I do know that it’s indicative of the harsh way I sometimes treat myself. It reminded me of the image above, and the question of why we treat ourselves so much worse than we would ever treat another person. Maybe it’s because we’re around ourselves so much more than we are around anyone else. Or maybe it’s because we’re taught to be polite to others far more than we are to ourselves. But whatever the reason, I want to reverse the trend. I want to be nice to myself. And I’m going to make a serious effort to do so. It won’t change overnight, I know. But maybe the next time I take my phone out instead of a book, I won’t be so quick to scold.
What are you hard on yourself about? Why do you think you do it? What will you do to be nice to yourself?
Amma Marfo 
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I can’t read on the T, so I got into PodCasts a year ago; now I’m adding in audiobooks (so much good, public domain stuff out there!!). I tend to scold myself when I don’t drag out my headphones and listen–I don’t get a lot of time to read, so the commute is really all I have.
Honestly, I scold myself most about being shy–I’m far beyond Introverted, well to anxiety-inducing shyness. Even in online communities my shyness can be overwhelming; it’s taken half an hour just to write this comment, and not JUST because I’m also working! I hate both the shyness and the grief I give myself about it because I WANT to attend socials and meet people for lunch. How will I be nice to myself about it? Not really sure because it’s something I DON’T want.
Jessi, I get you there. How do we make sure we’re being kind to ourselves, even as addressing what Gretchen Rubin calls “broken windows” (things we see in our lives that are off, but a tough fix)? I think it’s a matter of taking steps to work toward our ideal, but being forgiving if they don’t work out every time. Believe it, this is still (clearly) a struggle for me, but hopefully we can hold each other accountable on it? 🙂
I am certainly hard on myself about everything. I have slowly begin to be less harsh when I am reminded of God’s grace. So we can work on it together showing each other and our seleves a little grace. Grace is beautiful.
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